Yesterday, Senator Rand Paul (R-KY) took to the floor of the United States Senate to stage a filibuster against President Obama’s nominee for the Director of Central Intelligence, John Brennan. He protested the president’s drone policies at home and abroad. He’s concerned about the targeting of American citizens on foreign and domestic soil. He spoke about his problems with targeting terrorists via “signature” or behavioral analysis, and without knowing the names of the targets.
Generally speaking terrorists don’t live on streets with their surnames hung on decorative door plaques on delightful homes with adorable yards bordered by white picket fences that house adorable puppies and bunnies and happy little families. Terrorists have aliases. They hide. They disappear. They reappear. They rarely advertise their location, identity, and intended targets and methods of destruction in advance.
I share concerns about executive power when it comes to the use of drones on American soil. I don’t like the idea of Joe Arpaio or some small-minded police captain having the power to send a drone out into any neighborhood to conduct surveillance or target American citizens. I am concerned about Posse Comitatus and extra-Constitutional, extra-Judicial acts. Serious matters require serious people, maturity, and an acknowledged desire to uphold the Constitution and honor the oath they took to serve the American people. Hysteria rarely advances thoughtful dialogue.
It wasn’t long before Paul’s “endless war” diatribe came, and Senator Dick Durbin stood firmly to Rand Paul’s political right. Paul proved he was his father’s son. If he wants to run for president in 2016, then he can expect to see many of the ignorant things he said last night on the floor reappear in ads during the Republican primary.
Republican primary. Hmmm. Conservatives are quick to shout at moderates, declaring they are Republicans In Name Only, RINOs. Translation: RINOs are not “conservative” enough. Here’s the thing, I am a Republican. I’ve never claimed to be a conservative. I am not. Conservative and Republican aren’t interchangeable, they are not synonyms. To those same folks, let me give you a hint: you are the ones embracing Jane Fonda-esque anti-war radicalism. You’re the RINOs. You’re the ones embracing people who called former President George W. Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney war criminals. You’re the ones embracing Code Pink – who harass and denigrate the service of our Armed Forces. You’re the ones breaking bread with anti-War, anti-military lunatics who don’t understand reality. You’re the ones who are chewing the Paulian Tin Foil.
You are the RINOs. And hypocrites to boot.
Leadership is about intellect, experience, courage, and a moral center. Not ignorance. It is terrific there was a debate. It would be better if the participants were informed about the issues and policies before taking to the floor of the United States Senate to complain about un-returned phone calls from the president and Attorney General. There are real issues with President Obama’s Executive style. Theatrics won’t solve them.
My daughter is 17. Before long she will attend University and begin what will be an exciting, beautiful, and wonderful life on her own. I am sure life will throw her the occasional curveball but she’s a first rate person, and will handle life and all it’s complications with aplomb. We are so very blessed. With family, our urban family, and friends and colleagues that enrich each day with their presence. Abundance is ours, at least of the love kind. We’re not much interested in any other kind.
Love defines everything in my life. It conveys faith, forgiveness, redemption, joy, courage, bravery, understanding, and triumph over the moments defined by an absence of love. In the absence of love, there is fear, animus, vitriol, jealousy, loneliness, violence and hatred. Of course life is more complicated, but for the days and nights that have mattered most in my life – love was either there, or it was not. The outcome defined entirely by the same.
This year was beautiful and freeing. Turning forty was something I faced with trepidation, then exaltation. The moments where my breath was taken away are irreplaceable. A note from a dear friend, the carefully stolen moments reading The Cinnamon Peeler’s Wife, and equally – even more resplendent – Six Months in Sudan by Dr. James Maskalyk, or listening to the softness of a violin playing Amazing Grace as I pour over research on the DR Congo, Sudan and South Sudan, Chad, Somalia, Ethiopia, Uganda, and the Central African Republic. Enjoying the music of my daughter’s choice as I make homemade Tandoori chicken and carefully build the layers of flavor into my chocolate for my Christmas truffles also figures into the happiness of life at Girl HQ.
Love is what matters. From it, goodness flows.
This isn’t a new discovery, not at all. Making room for love, in all its forms, seems to be the trick. Eliminating the baggage of negative choices, people, relationships (personal or professional,) and removing obstacles transformed 2012. Rather than chase flickers on the horizon, I enjoyed their light and wrote off negativity as the brief heat-lightning thunderstorms that light up a Summer sky.
The absence of love is all around us as well. It is the 21st Century and yet, governments don’t function with even a modicum of healthy determination. The United States sits on the brink of a “Fiscal Cliff” and our leaders are more concerned with stamping their feet like spoiled children than solving problems. Across the Western world, governments argue rather than legislate. Legislate the wrong things, or in the wrong way, and ignore reality.
The reality is this: we need new leaders, all across the spectrum. Stop working on Band-aids and start the triage for real solutions. Real planning. Real economic resolution. Real human rights discussions and understanding Equality means Equality, and that it is amoral to deny it to any one group – except for hardened criminals that face justice and are sentenced for their crimes.
Equality means immigration reform. And gay marriage. And no longer stacking the deck against our children by prioritizing teacher union leadership over teachers and students. It means developing ethical green energy that doesn’t import cobalt, copper, tin, tantalum, tungsten, and gold from the warlords in Congo and slave labor in China. It means using our own natural resources first: be they solar and wind or natural gas, oil, and hydropower. It means accepting American workers and our environmental protections are the best in the world. It means accepting nothing is perfect or foolproof, and living with the consequences – because it is immoral to have green energy be just another NIMBY (Not In My Back Yard) scheme. It means understanding corn ethanol production has disrupted the food supply, and that isn’t alright. Equality means giving equal and economically sane access to healthcare, jobs, and the marketplace. Freedom means freedom, not anarchy. It means understanding it’s good to have someone who ensures our buildings are safe, and airplanes are maintained, our food supply is clean, that animals in the food chain are treated humanely, and cleaning agents are properly labeled. Religious freedom means not allowing ignorance and bigotry to be pervasive, in our homes or in our government.
It means governance of, by, and for the people.
Let us be civilized. Where there is genocide, let us do what we can to stop it or prevent it. The Greatest Generation ended a genocide, at no small cost to themselves. Hundreds of thousands of Americans and her allies fought, died, sacrificed for the good of the world. It wasn’t just for America, or Europe, or any one nation or people. They did the right thing because that is what a nation of moral people do. They stand shoulder to shoulder and get to work. Our greatest ally, Israel, was born of the horror that was the Holocaust.
There is evil in this world, there is goodness. We must choose wisely and tell the truth. More right and wrong, less Left and Right.
The 2012 Republican presidential primary feels more than a little surreal. A friend once told me the political gig was “like living in a Salvador Dali painting.” He’s right. From Sarah Palin’s appalling reality show, to Herman Cain’s bizarre 9-9-9 plan and tales of womanizing and sexual harassment…this election season is precisely why establishment types turn to each other and wonder aloud, “the conservatives are bitching about us nonstop – but Palin/Cain are their idea of a solution? these are the folks they think can turn it all around?”
Three hundred million people in the United States and this is the crop of folks the Tea Party and Conservatives served up? Seriously? I have met far more interesting, compelling, authentic conservatives and Tea Partiers at my local farmer’s market and at my PTA meetings.
Instead we have Santorum, Gingrich and Romney.
Former Senator Rick Santorum had a narrow win in Iowa. Mitt Romney bested former Speaker Newt Gingrich and Santorum with an impressive double-digit win in New Hampshire. South Carolina went solidly for Newt Gingrich, after a smackdown with CNN’s debate moderator John King. Three contests, three winners and an increasingly fractured Republican party.
The Florida primary is hours away from being decided and it looks like a tight, but solid win for former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney.
Conservatives are an interesting lot. As a reminder to folks who may be visiting this site for the first time, I’m not a conservative. I am a Republican. I don’t care for the hypocrisy I have witnessed with nearly twenty years in this business, by conservatives and liberals. Democrats and Republicans. Activists and consultants. Tigers do not change their stripes. When they go all-in on one issue, or one characteristic, it takes nary a fortnight for hypocrisy to bed them and make a mockery of all the eloquence and advertisements.
I detested former President Bill Clinton’s wagging finger when he declared he didn’t have sexual relations with “that woman.” I feel the same level of repulsion at the “family values” crowd, “conservatives” and anyone who pretends to be one thing, demands it of their competitors, and when the cameras are off – they are first through the buffet line of free booty and booze.
There are still gentlemen and ladies in the business of politics and governance. They exist, not as artifacts to be admired, but as operators and leaders. After nearly twenty years in this business, I still enjoy having a door opened for me. There is an elegance about some people in the business. True gents and ladies, still working for the common good, and somehow unaffected by the cynicism that drives so many to the brink. Not everything from eras gone by is bad. There are traditions and good ideas worth preserving, even as we modernize.
It is no coincidence Newt Gingrich, the historian, is vying for the presidency and finding great success. After all, he is an ideas machine. He presided over a landslide victory in 1994. He has instant recall of details and anecdotes from history that give him a formidable air. He is practiced and studied in the art of seeming invincible, inevitable. He always has just the right level of indignation, he’s able to dial up the perfect retort to conservative and Republican bogeymen. It’s a gift.
I remember Newt Gingrich as a much younger man, a fresh faced Member of Congress in his third term. I was a seventh grader on a trip for those of us who had achieved academic excellence. We left Atlanta by train one afternoon, and the next morning we emerged into Union Station, a breathtaking place that made an impression. As we clutched our luggage and stepped out into the Spring air, the United States Capitol loomed large. It was a moment that changed my life.
Our Congressman, Newt Gingrich, accompanied us on our tour of the US Capitol. He pointed out interesting details in the Apotheosis of Washington. Goodies were offered only to those who could cite the Preamble from memory.
It was a simpler time, long before the internet and social networking dominated our consciousness. Newt was a kindly gentleman who was living the dream. I remember the pictures on the walls in his office as we traipsed through, waiting for our class photograph to be taken on the steps of the West Front. From the experience of touring the Capitol, to dashing around beneath the Lincoln Memorial, my life was changed. With profound gratitude to my parents for making that trip possible, and to my then-Congressman for simply taking a few moments with a large group of bratty kids from his district back home, a career path was illuminated.
With thousands of precincts walked, envelopes stuffed, messaging and speeches written, and three presidents served…I am weighing my endorsement and my vote.
Now a voter in the Old Dominion, come Super Tuesday, I have but two choices on the ballot. Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney and current lunatic Congressman Ron Paul. The former Speaker of the House claims to want to be president, but couldn’t be bothered to get on the ballot. In the state where he lives. What. The. Hell.
I don’t appreciate the simpering complaints of campaign staffers either. Virginia’s ballot rules are well known. It is always election season here. Even numbered years, it’s Congress and the Presidency. Odd number years, the Governor and other statewide Constitutional offices, House of Delegates and the State Senate. Of all the places I have ever lived, there isn’t a place with more informed and active voters of every persuasion than Virginia. There is no conceivable reason to not be on the ballot here. Newt Gingrich, in the glow of media attention and conservative praise, could not be bothered to get on the ballot.
Yes, I said it again. It bears repeating. Most voters enjoy the predictable photo opportunity at the local precinct, where the candidate and his wife go in together, check in with the registrar and cast their ballots. It’s a lovely vignette of election day but it is also a reminder than one man, one vote is the same for each of us. No ballot is weighed differently than another.
If Newt and Callista go in to their precinct, they will pull a ballot that features Mitt Romney and Ron Paul. Newt did not respect voters in this state enough to make the effort, and so, he can expect the same in return. Apparently, we don’t have enough delegates to matter to him, which is ironic given that he vows to campaign in every state and fight all the way to a brokered convention in Tampa this Summer.
Here’s an anecdote, Professor Gingrich: ask Hillary Clinton how important each delegate is. Ask Al Gore if each vote matters. It may not matter to you but it damn sure matters to me. And every other voter in Virginia.
Of course, Gingrich did make a move to get on the Virginia ballot. He and Texas Governor Rick Perry opted to sue, in federal court, for ballot access. They were rejected. To be generous to Gingrich, let me point out one interesting little fact. Texas Governor Perry’s inability to get on the ballot troubled me most. He counts as a senior adviser and as a spokesman, Mark Miner, a man known to many in Virginia. Once upon a time he was Chief of Staff to a sitting Virginia Governor. He was a Communications Director at the RNC. If anyone knew the rules in the Old Dominion, it was this guy. He served Perry’s presidential bid about as well as he served former Governor Gilmore. It is a shame, as Governor Perry is one of the nicest men I have ever met. In the real world, when you fail to achieve any of the objectives for which you are hired: you lose your job. Unfortunately, plenty of folks fail upwards in this business and that’s why we have the problems we have.
Ultimately, a Federal judge tossed out their lawsuit. He noted they waited too long to challenge Constitutionality. (Read: just because your staff failed to get you on the ballot doesn’t mean you get to toss out the rules)
Newt couldn’t get access to the ballot, even with Perry’s help. So instead he has the endorsement. Goodie for him. I sure hope he has a better strategy for all the other states voting on Super Tuesday, March 6th.
Newt Gingrich sent a message: votes in Virginia do not matter. It’s a disappointing and petty set of choices that led him down this path. In the end my vote, and many other votes, will now go to Mitt Romney. But it’s not just my vote, it will be my rolodex. And my pen. My keyboard. Everything. The choice is clear when I consider the Virginia Ballot.
Former Governor Romney will have my vote on March 6th. He will have my enthusiastic support. At our local Super WalMart and grocery stores, there were folks gathering signatures to get on the ballot. His staff was pleasant and friendly. There was a sense of purpose.
And here is where I discuss my thoughts on Mitt Romney. For some years, I have been skeptical of him. I was unimpressed and thought him a little too clean, a little too Stepford, a little too good to be true. Turns out, I was wrong about him.
Mitt Romney is a good man. He loves his family, his wife and his country. He is a good manager and a great businessman. He’s a problem solver. He does not grandstand, nor is he bellicose. He’s a team player. He’s a hard worker.
Mitt Romney is steady, competent. And above all: he is presidential. He is dignified. These are necessary qualities to being a good president and inspiring leader.
As I recently noted, with a quote from French philosopher Michel de Montaigne: “He who establishes his argument by noise and command, shows that his reason is weak.”
Former Speaker Gingrich has tapped into the anger, into the rage many feel towards President Obama, or liberal policies enacted by Speaker Pelosi during the first two years of the Obama administration and the last two years of the Bush Administration. People want to feel their leaders connect with them and Newt does that well.
But that is not the same as leading.
Mitt Romney has character. He’s true to himself. He really is that nice guy with the great wife, the great kids, and the great job. He’s the guy who mows his neighbor’s lawn when they are out of town. Ann Romney is that neighbor with the uncanny ability to drop by with a casserole or brownies, just because. Theirs is the house where the kids congregate because it’s a happy, safe environment.
That matters to me. I want to know the person I vote for is more than just a great campaigner, a great wordsmith. I want to know the person I vote for has some character. My daughter’s generation will cast their first ballots for president this year. What kind of man will lead the nation as they take their first steps? As they discover Union Station and the US Capitol?
The presidential portfolio is complex. The domestic issues always find a way to dominate, predictably. But when our nation faces a crisis, as we do with economic concerns in Europe or additional earthquakes rocking Japan, or the extreme volatility in the Middle East and continued war crimes, starvation, and horrors in Africa…the President of the United States must be solid. Steady. Competent. Unflappable. Grounded.
On the ballot in Virginia, there is only one such man. Mitt Romney.
A little end of the year news: I recently joined colleagues and peers in The Arena at Politico. Other than Mike Allen’s Playbook, it’s my favorite feature of Politico.
My latest is a note to my fellow Republicans, establishment and grassroots alike. Here is an excerpt:
Just beyond the Iowa Caucuses lies New Hampshire, then South Carolina and Super Tuesday states. The Republican Party needs to focus on what the election is actually about: electing the next president of the United States. This isn’t about ideological purity tests administered by the “conservatives” or palatable foreign policy views of the “hawks.”
If Republicans are serious about challenging President Barack Obama for the chance to lead the United States, and the world, for the next four years, they need to focus beyond the immediate. Build a vision. Shame people who behave shamefully, who are dangerous like Ron Paul. Question flip-flops in a serious manner. Reward the candidates who behave with the dignity the office of the president demands.
Recently, I was honored to write on behalf of Act for Sudan. This introductory piece appeared on Enough Said, the blog of the Enough Project. A colleague and mentor once told me the importance in advocacy for Africa and national security lies in the moral force of the arguments we make and how the facts support our position.
Being blind to injustice, or choosing to look away as genocide continues unabated because of domestic partisan loyalties is unconscionable to me. If you are so blinded by your partisan affiliation that you cannot join with others to do the right thing, then you are a part of the problem. My conscience compels action, a lifting of my voice and encouraging others to do the same.
Without further ado, here is my piece as it originally appeared here.
In Sudan, the rainy season has drawn to a close and the Khartoum regime has not wasted a moment expanding Omar al Bashir’s relentless campaigns of violence and forced starvation. Today, hundreds of thousands of people in Blue Nile and South Kordofan brace themselves for more violence as Khartoum forces continue to mount relentless aerial and ground attacks responsible for violent and forcible displacement of innocent civilians. The government is also obstructing the delivery of humanitarian aid. The Enough Project’s Omer Ismail and Amanda Hsiao’s reporting from the Sherkole refugee camp contained horrific tales of systemic rape and slaughter of innocents.
To address the deepening crisis, Act for Sudan, a bipartisan alliance of 45 organizations across the country, coordinated an open letter to President Barack Obama. Co-signed by 66 organizations, the letter asked the president to take swift action to protect the safety of Blue Nile, Nuba, and Darfuri populations. They make the recommendations, as Sudanese civilians have also made, to consider the implementation of a No Fly Zone and/or the destruction of Khartoum’s aerial assets utilized to target innocent civilians.
In the letter the groups note:
We are deeply concerned and distressed by the Obama Administration’s current Sudan policy in the face of ongoing government-sponsored genocide that has spanned more than two decades and resulted in the death and displacement of millions of people.
The eradication of slavery also is addressed in Act for Sudan’s letter to the president. Tens of thousands people remain enslaved in Darfur, Kordofan, and across Sudan.
Act for Sudan is an alliance of Sudanese and American activists with a common purpose—to end mass atrocities and genocide in Sudan. Its guiding values include a commitment to elevate the voices of Sudanese inside and outside of Sudan by viewing expert policy recommendations through the lens of the diaspora and the displaced, and to approach advocacy in a holistic manner, taking into account all relevant issues and regions in both the Republic of Sudan and the Republic of South Sudan. The alliance identifies the policies of the National Congress Party as the root cause of Sudan’s problems and is committed to advocate for what is necessary rather than what is politically correct or expedient. Together the alliance will advocate for the civil, political, social, and economic rights of the Sudanese people, including the opportunity for democratic transformation.
The time for U.S. leadership, working with our allies and the international community, to stand with the peoples of Sudan has long since passed. Sudan’s genocidal regime must be finally held accountable or “never again” will become “just one more time.”
Richard Grenell, longest serving American spokesman at the United Nations, penned a profile of me and my hunger strike for The Huffington Post today. His words are exceedingly kind and I am deeply grateful for his assistance in bringing awareness to the plight of our Sisters in Congo.
They face the worst, most barbaric sexual and gender based violence in recorded human history. The truth is the truth, whether we like it or not. They find hope and grace in each day. As a mother, as a woman, I am inspired by them. Every moment of every day.
Elizabeth Blackney is on her 38th day of a hunger strike to get President Barack Obama to pay attention to the plight of the women of the Congo. So far, the White House hasn’t noticed. But Blackney is hoping her final few days of the 40-day campaign will catch the attention of someone at 1600 Pennsylvania. Blackney says, “Approximately 1152 women and girls, aged 15-49, are raped every day in the Congo.” And the government of the Democratic Republic of the Congo (DRC) needs help combating the problem. “The president should do something about it.”
“For hundreds, even thousands of years, beautiful women have been held to impossible standards. Average women have too. But alone in the dark, in the comfort of our beds…next to our beloved, or alone in the quiet – real beauty can not be seen. In the darkness we are all the same. Beauty emanates from within.”
I penned those words in May 2009. The sentiment stands today. Beauty of the human soul, particularly when it shines through someone’s features creating an aesthetic beauty, must sustain itself. The ‘beautiful’ must learn to self-comfort, be the wellspring of love and light for themselves and those they love, respect. Unfair perhaps, but true. To some degree this is true for all of us. Why?
Beauty does emanate from within. Unfortunately, so does cruelty. Jealousy. Hate. Ugliness. And extreme vanity. Human history is littered with the discarded carcasses of those who lived their lives through vice. Sloth, gluttony, greed, lust… the seven deadly sins have long accommodated mankind’s penchant for self-loathing. For some, the vice is wrath, envy and pride – expressed as hate or jealousy. They craft an entire personae or career based on vitriol and tearing others down – sometimes disingenuously saying they only want to ‘extract the truth’ from whatever entity they view as an oppressor. Men. A beautiful woman. Corporations. Pick a poison.
Much like my column Beautiful, Successful and Hated, this one comes with a warning right at the outset. The impolitic discussion of character and aesthetics will certainly draw ire. To the ladies and gentlemen who read further, if you reflexively defend the Left or Right, expect to be angry. This is about culture, more than politics. This is a love letter and a Dear John letter, take away what you will. Stand for what you believe.
The most beautiful soul is one steeped in truth, fairness, forgiveness and humility. We see it in the faces of a wanted child, of parents welcoming this new soul they created in love – together. In the faces of those same children as they grow towards adulthood unafraid because love has been their constant companion. We see it in elderly couples whose lined faces and enlaced fingers reveal a lifetime spent with love,in love. We see a glimpse of it when two people finally discover each other and set aside vanity or expectation to embrace love, and fashion a new life with and through each other. The kindness of a teacher, a firefighter. The placid face of an experienced Marine Sniper, encouraging a new enlistee – giving him strength even though Death is both their companion and enemy.
What is beautiful, while subjective, is also universal. I submit where you find kindness you also find unblemished beauty.
Feminism and feminists aren’t specifically in my crosshairs today. Women like them, and so many others that came before the Sexual Revolution, transformed the professional landscape. For the suffragettes, trailblazers and the men who made the impossible possible, a debt of gratitude will never be repaid. Inspirational figures like Cleopatra or Eleanor of Acquitane are often forgotten to modern feminists. As is Anne Boleyn’s devotion to both ambition and her husband, King Henry VIII, because the “witch” and “homewrecker” stigma fluffs the pillows of those who have an axe to grind. Feminists, like fiction writer Philippa Gregory, continue to excoriate her even though Boleyn’s tenacity brought about England’s break with the Vatican, the Reformation, and a feminine icon – Queen Elizabeth I – who ruled without a man at her side for decades. No serious person, who has read extensively from contemporaneous accounts of those years, honestly believes Martin Luther’s work inspired Henry VIII to spiritual conversion to the exclusion of Anne Boleyn as a factor in the decision.
Boleyn, Helen of Troy, Scheherazade, Nefertiti are but a few names from antiquity that are precursors to modern feminism. In patriarchal societies, they charted success and continue to inspire. The Borgias were famously depraved but some women still found a way to thrive. The Hellenic era is replete with stories of power plays, beautiful versus ugly, ethics, spiritual questions. Persephone and Demeter’s complicated relationship is a prism for every mother and daughter to gaze through, if they are smart.
Some feminists who rose to prominence in the late 1960s and early 1970s, as well as their younger devotees, effect a much less altruistic streak. Reproductive choice, female competition, deriding men, and anti-tradition histrionics dominate. While many claim to want equality with men, they don’t seem to value it among their feminine counterparts.
They also bred vanity to competition, and have spent the last 40 years raising vicious, vacuous and blatant hypocrisy as their children. They embrace hyper-sexualization as ‘liberation.’ They attempt to eviscerate women of real worth, real accomplishment – particularly if they embody more traditional female archetypes – “wife” or “mother” with success. If the target happens to be beautiful, the rhetoric becomes a conflagration of pettiness and envy. I don’t believe such women exist only on the political Left. There are certainly some Right-leaning females who use sexual availability, wrapped in a wink and nod, as a weapon to destroy any other females who challenge their intellect, preparedness or mothering capability. Embracing the Kardashian model as the Left has done, or vaguely more respectable reality-TV shows like Dancing with the Stars, is really demonstrative that there is an alliance among some “feminists” (Left or Right) to hurt other, more morally stable and yes, beautiful, women.
As a woman, a lover, a friend and especially as a mother…the inauthentic, superficial, agenda-driven and wholesale embrace of negative stereotypes disgusts me. There is no need to sacrifice one’s dignity to succeed. Or maybe, that depends on your definition of success.
If success means you have as much fame, money, or as much sex as the least of men – then ding, ding, ding women like Gloria Steinem are a success. If the Hillary, “I paid my dues and now I’ve got The Honorable before my name” model makes you feel all warm and fuzzy, then goodie for you. My take: you’re damn right she paid her dues. But she didn’t have to stay with, or even be with Bill Clinton in the first place to achieve success. Hillary is brilliant and could be Secretary of State, or President, without selling her soul to Bill all those years. I am certain their affection and respect for one another is genuine but, she’s the one who chose to mock women for “standing by their man.” She did just that, and built a career on being the victim of his libido – but not the sexually satisfied wife who was there because she chose to be for the RIGHT reasons.
Consequences are a bitch.
Examples are legion. Lesser knowns are perhaps more indicative of the insidious, pervasive female competition that continues to plague our societal discourse. Someone recently forwarded an article in The Atlantic to me, Why Do Smart Men Date Less Intelligent Women?Predictably, a cursory look at the Twitter feed offered lots of opportunities to see what my fellow females were saying. Journalists were passing it along, dry and without comment. Some others were straight snark in a so what, who cares tone. But a few, none of which I will be linking to – because it’s not my style to offer traffic to someone who clearly hates other women – were spouting vituperations. It was funny, instead of attacking the intellect, most who were incensed by the article went straight for the beauty mark. Pretty women are stupid and therefore have all that extra time to primp and be hot for men. All those pretty girls are taking all the good men. With a healthy helping of “well, I’m thin and I can get all the hot guys too. But I want the smart ones.” That is an argument so insipid and nonsensical even Lewis Carroll’s Mad Hatter could not read the tea leaves.
Here’s a newsflash: if you’re that consumed with hate for other women and are angry at men for not choosing you over someone with better looks, or stronger morals, or just plain more self-confidence, then stupid women aren’t your problem. You are.
It isn’t your waist size, it is all about attitude. And discernment. There are a lot of aesthetically beautiful – and inwardly beautiful – people who find love, happiness and gratification.
Furthermore, being hateful to beautiful women you deem ‘less intelligent’ because they lack your pedigree or skill set is absurd. If a beautiful woman conducts her life in an equally vicious manner, it doesn’t matter how symmetrical her features are or how brilliant, she loses her beauty. The ugliness shines through, manifests itself just as surely as inner beauty does. Ugly is as ugly does.
There is little more beautiful than a woman, ripe with self-confidence. Perhaps only the most feminine, most sacred of tasks and roles makes us more beautiful: motherhood. The female form blooms when pregnant, particularly in a loving and committed relationship. I wrote earlier about the “wanted child.” A baby conceived in love is beautiful. To her mate, what honors him more? Nothing…between a man and woman, unconditional love comes after surviving conditional love and chemistry. It comes with time. With patience.
We cannot “have it all” at the same time. But to have it all is a worthy goal. It is a goal we can accomplish. There are many beautiful moments in our lives but alone in the dark, the most ancient and primal urges still ring in our souls. Trust me, I am not romanticizing the realities of relationships, marriage, pregnancy and child-rearing. Quite the contrary. Recognizing the magnitude of the choices and accepting the blessings is critical. Finding peace with our bodies, as perfect or imperfect, whether Titian or wraith-like, lies within the mirror we hold ourselves. Take the good when it comes, revel in it. Breathe in the warmth it provides and be not afraid. The harsh light and judgment of others awaits.
Nobody expects women to stop competing with each other, not professionally or personally. Certainly not for a mate. It is natural to pursue excellence, to preen, to want a worthy man to share a life with. To bear children by. To age with, gracefully and naturally. To laugh with. To touch and be touched by. To honor. Our wants and needs are universal. We all crave stability and acceptance. Safety.
Freedom from fear. I wonder if the competitiveness between Western women stems from boredom, in addition to a lack of self-esteem. The women of Congo look to us for help, as inspiring, free figures. They hail from a place that is arguably the most violent and dangerous place in the world. If you are a woman, rape will likely be your destiny. Obstetric fistula is something you pray to avoid. Auto-cannibalism is the norm. Grotesque wounds are a weapon. An effective weapon of psychological warfare and a tool of genocide. Atrocities are commonplace. As I read through research, I was reminded of The General’s Daughter, penned in the early 1990s by Nelson Demille. (The movie version starred Leslie Stafanson, Madeleine Stowe and John Travolta.)
An exquisitely beautiful young woman attends West Point, following in her father’s footsteps. She is brilliant, quick witted and outshines her classmates. During her sophomore year, there is a night exercise. She is separated from her squad and finds herself surrounded by a group of classmates who strip her, spread eagle her, tie her to the ground with tent pegs, put her panties around her neck, and brutally gang rape her all night long. Beaten, bruised and left to die. When dawn broke, she was discovered and transported to a hospital where she was treated for disease and pregnancy. Instead of supporting her, her father silenced her. She survived by pursuing a career in PsyOps. Psychological Operations. Before a tragic and untimely death, she tells a Warrant Officer what her profession is: “Mostly, we fuck with people’s minds.”
After her death, a rape investigator, notes the stains on the corpse’s cheeks are tears. This beautiful, promising woman was tormented by her demons. Demons that possessed her without consent. Demons that were content to stand idly by as she suffered. Yes, it’s fiction. But truth is reflected there. As women, we must be strong for ourselves and each other. For the men in our lives, for the sons and daughters – born and unborn. Strength means seeking justice, forgiveness and freedom for others and ourselves with equal fervor.
Beauty emanates from within. The beautiful within us should govern our choices, passions, our hunger for knowledge and our ambitions. The beauty of equality, of forgiveness is the honor is a second chance at life. One does not have to be young, or wealthy to find rebirth. It is a gift we give ourselves and share with those we love.
