I’m sorry for not having more to say this past week. The California Republican Party convention last weekend in Sacramento put me waaaaaaaay behind and I’m just now getting caught up.
This week however, I’m going to have time to put together some really good commentary from out here in the “land of fruits and nuts.” Specifically, I’ll be giving you a rundown of the state of the presidential campaigns here in California, a small piece on globalization, and a brief about how the State Party’s rule change 4 years ago makes Los Angeles more important than the state of Delaware (and about 5 other states as well) in the scope of delegates to the RNC Convention.
I hope you will all have a great weekend full of home improvements, Bar-B-Q’s…oh wait…that’s just California. I forgot that most of you are still buried underneath the snow on the East Coast. In that spirit, I’ve decided to republish some “California-ism’s” from a group titled “Bitch please…I’m from California!!!” on Facebook. I promise this is going to make you laugh, and 99% of these are true.
You know you’re from California when…/We’re better in California because…
You say “like” and “for sure” and “right on” and “dude” and “totally” and “peace out” and “chill” and “tight” and “bro” and “hell of” and “hella”(Nor Cal only) and “faded” and “stoked” and “fo sho” and you say them often
You know what real cheese taste like.
All the porn you watch is made here, cause we have better sex and thats how it is.
You don’t get snowdays off because theres only snow in Mammoth, Tahoe, Shasta, and Big Bear.
You can wear sandals all year long.
You go to the Beach – not “down to the shore.”
You know 65 mph really means 100.
When someone cuts you off, they get the horn and the finger and high speed chase cuz we dont screw around on the road.
The drinking age is 21 but everyone starts at 14 (legally 18 if you live close enough to the border).
Our governor can kick your governor’s ass.
You can go out at midnight.
You judge people based on what telephone area code they live in, and when asked where you’re from, you give your area code.
You might get looked at funny by locals when you’re on vacation in their state, but when they find out you’re from California you turn into a Greek GOD.
We don’t stop at stop signs… we do a “california roll”. No cop no stop baby!
You can get fresh and REAL Mexican food 24 hours a day.
All the TV shows you “other” states watch get filmed here.
We’re the Golden State. Not the Cheese State. Not the Garden State…..GOLDEN!!!
We have In-N-Out (Arizona and Vegas are lucky we share that with them).
We have the most representation in the House of Representatives, which means our opinion means more than yours, which means we’re better than you.
The best athletes come from here.
We got Disneyland….wut now!
We call it soda, NOT pop.
Oh, and no one from California calls it Cali… that’s how we know you’re not from around here.
The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway.
You were born somewhere else.
Your sense of direction=Toward the ocean and away from the ocean.
You eat an In n Out burger at least once a week!!!
You know how to eat an artichoke.
The primary bugs that you worry about are electronic.
Your car has bullet-proof windows.
Left is right and right is wrong.
Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income.
You can’t find your other earring because your son/brother is wearing it.
You drive to your neighborhood block party.
Your family tree contains “significant others.”
You see 25 lawyers chasing an ambulance.
More than clothes come out of the closets.
You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach.
More money is spent on facelifts than on diapers.
Smoking in your office is not optional.
You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in the snow, and a sweater and a wetsuit for the beach.
When you can’t schedule a meeting because you must “do lunch.”
Your children learn to walk in Birkenstocks.
You’ll reluctantly miss yoga class to wait for the hot tub repairman.
It’s barely sprinkling rain and there’s a report on every news station: “STORM WATCH”
Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.
You make over $300,000 and still can’t afford a house.
You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.
You know which restaurant serves the freshest arugula.
It’s barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.
A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.
A low speed police pursuit will interrupt ANY TV broadcast.
Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.
A man gets on the bus in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps. You don’t even notice.
Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing the baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney IS George Clooney.
Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.
The normal symbols on restrooms mean “people wearing pants” and “people wearing skirts”.
Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is into S &M, and your Mary Kay rep is a guy in drag.
Both you AND your dog have therapists.
You have to leave the big company meeting early because Billy Blanks himself is teaching the 4:00 PM Tae Bo class.
You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cell phones or pagers.