After some private emails regarding my last piece on beautiful folks having feelings (WHAT!!!) and being hated, I am moved to share this song, at the suggestion of a young woman who happens to be a model. She noted it’s nice to have a song that “represents for the pretty girls who get bullied and vilified by mean girls, who assume we are stupid, soul-less, man-stealing jerks.”
Because someone is beautiful on the outside does not mean they are less intelligent, or have no feelings. Possessing natural, in your DNA beauty, is no different than folks who have a God-given ability to play basketball, join Mensa, or sing like an angel at age three. Being beautiful is not a ticket to eternal happiness. You don’t have a fairy godmother who turns mean people into pumpkins, nor do you magically get a six-figure income. Having your heartbroken does not hurt less. They are daughters, sons, friends, lovers, sisters, brothers, mommies and daddies…just like the rest of us.
Kindness is one quality I wish we all exported, every day in every interpersonal connection. Kindness matters. No matter who you are, no matter what you look like.
The conversation between women should be more open and less about competition. When I was writing The Beautiful and Hated, I was reminded of Black Swan. Many folks passed right over the issue of remaining virtuous – wanting Natalie Portman’s character to embrace the “Black Swan” and all it entailed. The raw, unbridled sexuality and promiscuity without conscience. Many reviewers, critics and average folks wanted her to get there. But with little thought for what the eventual end might be for her. Some simply attributed her pursuit of perfection to a much more male, sports-oriented need for a win.
For women, it’s always about more than just winning, or achievement. In Black Swan, it was about one woman’s attempt to reconcile sexuality with her dance, and ultimately with herself. Portman’s character was the beautiful, virtuous one. She pursued perfection. Emotionally disturbed, paranoid, and infantalized by her mother – she was still a sexual creature. Those around her pressed her to hurry up, get sexed up, start fucking. You know…like everyone else. (because then they could stop feeling inferior – and then she would be common rather than extraordinary) Mila Kunis’ character had no moral hangups regarding promiscuity, using drugs, or depravity in general. She danced with abandon but wasn’t the first choice. There was little doubt she could dance the Black Swan – but embrace purity?Chasteness, the truly beautiful core of an innocent young woman??? No, once a woman decides virtue ain’t on the menu – you can’t fake it.
Hastening the arc from innocence to womanhood, girlish wonder to sexual know-it-all, does little more than add a notch on the bed post. But restraint and preservation, just slowing down a little brings a different joy. It’s hard fought pleasure to drink in each little moment, each progression towards adulthood, each step towards becoming a responsive lover, marriage, a career, motherhood. Maintaining our inner beauty, the safe place we go to when nobody is looking still matters. The safe place we share with only our lover, our children, our closest friends. That’s where kindness, forgiveness, faith and humility comes from. Ask any honest woman if she would prefer to be the foregone conclusion or the woman worth waiting for.
Beauty emanates from within, is subjective and mysterious. Envy of a common, easy female – well – don’t lose sleep over it. Envy and jealousy say far more about them than it does the Pretty Girl. (and yes, to everyone: Live right, Be worthy. Then you don’t have to concern yourself with such debates.)
So here’s one for my young friend, and all the Pretty Girls.
Here’s the lovely, official video – click through to YouTube…